Missing G.R.A.C.E.Foundation

The Missing G.R.A.C.E Foundation is located in Rogers, Minnesota.

It is a free standing facility that offers support to area families and serves all of the area hospitals.

Stephan and Candy started the foundation after the loss of their daughter.

Originally they provided online support but the center has since grown in to a place that offers a safe haven for families to grieve as well as a place for professionals to learn how to best serve these families.

The founders desired to "support families who have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss and to educate, raise awareness and further the research of stillbirth"

Their mission statement describes their organization as a:

 "National nonprofit organization that provides education and bereavement materials for Professional Care Providers as well as resources and support for families that have experienced a pregnancy loss, infertility, or adoption.  The heart of the mission of G.R.A.C.E is helping families Grieve, Restore, Arise, Commemorate and Educate"

We had the opportunity to do a site visit and I have to say that this place is the coolest place I have ever seen for someone who is struggling with the loss of a baby.

The center is absolutely beautiful and you can tell that the people that work there really care about the families that they serve.

I know that my photos will not do it justice but I felt I really wanted to share a little bit about this place.

If you happen to live in the Minneapolis area, this a place that you have to see.

You walk in to the office and are greeted by friendly staff.

The color combination works to soothe and relax the visitor

Here is a view of the reception desk

The waiting area with photos of much loved babies

A room for private counseling

A place to have a snack or hold a meeting

A room for support group meetings.

Or the area can even be used for memorial services or remembrance events. 

They have a well stocked library for personal and professional use.

And in the library area there is this castle that children can play in.

The center provides child-care during support group meetings so that the parents can come and not worry about who is taking care of their other children.

Candy said that the castle is a very popular place ~

They also offer a gift shop where you can purchase things for yourself or for someone that you know who may be grieving.

 Volunteers put together GRACE care baskets and totes in this large assembly room in the basement.

Anyone can order one of these - just go to the Missing G.R.A.C.E. website to order one.

They ship anywhere.

I will admit that I am just a tad bit jealous of this lovely facility.
I would LOVE to have a place like this here in Orange County where families could come and be supported.
Even our perinatal hospice patients could come and get support prior to their delivery.
It could serve all of the hospitals in the area.
It could be a safe haven for families in this area to grieve.

If only...
If only I had the funds
If only we had a place to build.
If only we had the staff to run the organization.
If only...

It may be a pipe dream but this is what I want for my patients.
I walked away with a renewed vision and would hope to someday run a place such as this....
Debbie

PLIDA Conference

I'm attending the PLIDA (Pregnancy Loss Infant Death Alliance) Conference this week in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

It has been a long time since I have been to attend any type of national nursing conference.

I try to attend our state AWHONN conference each year.
But getting to a national conference is a little harder.

I am not presenting this time around.
And I only know one other person that is here.

I'm just going to go, try to learn something new, try to make new friends, network and just see what is out there in the world of perinatal bereavement.

I like attending conferences.  They sort of energize me and I want to stay current in my practice.

I also like to travel and think it is fun to stay in a hotel.

I love exploring new cities.  I enjoy walking about and just seeing what a city has to offer.

And you meet some really interesting people by exploring ~

But the real purpose for me to be in Minneapolis is to attend the classes.

A lot of big name speakers are here....

If you are curious about PLIDA just click on the link.

or check out the PLIDA facebook page

The conference is being held at the Depot Renaissance Hotel

It is a restored, old railway station and is really cool.

The old station smokestack

The only problem is that it has been snowing all day.

So I am stuck inside.

I arrived yesterday and was able to get my bearings, but I am not going anywhere tonight.

Yes, I have a coat and gloves but I am staying in for the evening!

This California girl thinks it is really pretty out...but I'd rather stay in my nice warm room :)

There are all of these funky statues around the hotel.  

It sort of makes it feel like you are in a different era.

There are also displays of old train memorabilia.

Sort of fun looking around the lobby area.

Most of the sessions are being held in the old station room.

It is absolutely beautiful with gold inlay and old brickwork.

I must admit that I keep finding myself staring the the ceilings and decor instead of paying attention to the presenters.

One of best things about the hotel are these little sample products.

I love me some Aveda!

Debbie

Holiday Working

Oh the joys of being a nurse...getting to work the whole weekend when everyone else is celebrating the Easter holiday.
It was fairly steady today and I am in charge tomorrow so I'll be there all day.
You know babies are born on holidays too.

I did not boil nor color any eggs.
I did not buy any Easter candy.
I did not get a basket for any one.
Nor did I decorate the house for the holiday (since my home is full of wedding / shower gifts at the moment)

I'll just go to work like any other day.
And hope that some one brings me a good meal :)
Then go visit my family tomorrow night (my sister and her children arrived today!)
I really don't mind that much - it is part of being a nurse.
(I will miss watching the little ones have their Easter egg hunt.....)

Hope you have a good Easter though - and remember that the real reason we have the holiday is because Jesus has risen!
Debbie

Thanks from a Patient

Today a patient that I had previously taken care of brought me these cool little mugs.

The one on the left is actually a tea infuser (with a holder in it for tea) and the Tinkerbell one will keep a nice cup of coffee warm~

The patient also brought the staff a huge tray of homemade taquitos and guacamole.  Yum!
She just wanted to say thank you.

She is so sweet and we had bonded the day that I took care of her but I never expected any gifts from her.  Some patients you bond with more than others and she just happened to be one of them...yet, I never expected gifts.

She was the one that was hurting.
She was the one who needed care.
She was the experiencing a life changing event.
She was the one who had lost her little girl...
All I did was give her the care that I would hope someone would give my family member during a time of crisis...yet she turned it all around to share a piece of herself and make the staff feel treasured.

She had come in with the complaint of not feeling her baby move.
I so remember trying to find her babies heart beat...to no avail...
I remember the room and the time of day...so does she...
I quickly took down a health history and took some vital signs, then told her that I would wait to do all of the paperwork later for I wanted to talk to the doctor and get an ultrasound ordered so that we could find out what was going on...though we both knew it was bad news.

I left the room, talked to the doctor, got the orders I needed and went back to her.  I needed to get her admitted and get all of her orders in the computer.
With tears in her eyes she said, "please listen one more time...try to find her heartbeat, please."

So, I did.  I put the rest of my tasks on hold and just took care of her.  Did what she needed me to do.
I still couldn't find any heart tones, and I quietly took off the monitor, saying, "I'm sorry, but I don't hear anything".  I went on to finish all of my admission and finished all the tasks that needed to be done.

I later did her delivery and got to see her precious little girl who had already flown in to the arms of Jesus.  I took photos and gathered mementos for her and shed a tear or two with her.  There was just something about her.  She touched me in a way that not all patients do.  I deal with patients just like her all of the time...but something about her got to me that day.  I had never met her before, could probably have just walked away that day and put it all behind me and moved on to the next case.  But she got to me.

I went to visit her the next day and she thanked for me providing her with compassionate care during a horrible moment.  She said that it meant so much to her that I took the time to check that second time for a heart beat.  She said, "I knew she was gone, You knew she was gone, But you did what I needed you to do, and for that I thank you"

We were able to reconnect today when she came to the hospital to visit.  I'm not sure that I could have gone back that soon after a loss but she wanted to see all of us.  She wanted to bring us gifts and say thanks in a tangible way.

She told me that I am like family now and wants to meet again.  I'm sure we will.
It's not that often that you connect with another person in such a way.  We will see each other again and probably become good friends.

It's not often that nurses get any thanks from patients...but I did from this one...and she reconfirmed for me why I do the job that I do.
Debbie

What am I Doing?

I became a labor and delivery nurse because I like these:

And love these:

I wanted to be able to care for women in labor and hopefully provide them with the best possible delivery.  I wanted to see new life and watch families get off to the best start.

Lately though, I have begun to wonder what I am doing.

Am I really doing what I am passionate about?

Am I making a difference?

More and more of my time is spent nursing one of these:

I spend more and more of my time time on the computer.

It has to do with "meaningful use" and electronic medical records.

It has to do with Medicare / Medicaid payments.

Hospitals are being forced to transition to computerized documentation and physician order entry.

If hospitals do not go to computerized charting then they risk loosing tons of money and potentially being forced to close their doors.

Yet, I am not liking all of these changes.

I honestly see so many more mistakes now then what I used to see.

And I feel as if I do not have the time to actually take care of my patients anymore.

All because I have to spend so much time on a computer....

Now don't get me wrong.  I like technology.

I have a facebook account, a blog, and I love making power point presentations.

I have a MAC computer and a PC.

I check my email every day.

I have a smart phone.

I am not against technology.

I think it is quite useful in caring for patients on the most part.

It is easier to diagnose things when you can see inside the body by using technology.

And I want to know how my patients babies are tolerating labor (though I do prefer intermittent fetal heart monitoring as long as the baby is ok rather than continuous monitoring)

I'm not against using technology to care for my patients....

But I really want to be with my patient...not sitting in front of a computer.

I want to be able to talk to my patient.

I want to be able to provide emotional support.

I want to provide a moment that they will remember.

I want to be hands on.

I want to provide that human touch.

I want to get back to the bedside.

But, I know the computer isn't going away...

I wish I had a secretary to follow me around and do all of my documentation for me.

Wish we could go back to the way it used to be.

I find myself wanting to throw this thing out the window!

And I go home more frustrated each day.
I went in to nursing to take care of humans...if I had wanted to take care of computers I would have gone in to IT....

Debbie

Need a Day Off

Whew - this has been a crazy week...I knew going in to it that it was going to be a tough one.  But, I didn't expect the baby factory to be exploding!!

I worked Monday and Tuesday...I don't think that I sat down for more than 5 minutes at a time...there were just so many babies!

Wednesday I attended the Orange Co. Women's and Children's Palliative Care Conference at UCI medical center.  It was a good day of learning and networking with other professionals in the area who want to care for sick and often dying infants.  I found that so many of the things we already do...we even talked about holding our own conference...
For some reason, I come home more tired after sitting all day in an auditorium than I do when running around the unit for 12 hours.  I wonder why that is?

I worked again today ~ Still busy... and I was so frustrated this morning that I wasn't able to assist a baby out vaginally...we tried for something like 3 hours, only to have the mommy end up in the c/section room.  I felt like such a failure and was so frustrated that things just weren't happening despite my best and most creative interventions.  Once I saw the baby though...and realized that she was not presenting in the normal fashion, I felt a bit better.  Babies are supposed to face the mom's back side - not face upwards...and this one just didn't fit.  Thankfully mom and baby were healthy and the parents were just glad to finally be holding their infant.
The rest of the day just continued to fall apart...with lots of patients and frustrating moments...

So, I am home tonight ~ anxious to rest and sleep in tomorrow morning.  I need a break! Next week is looking to be just as busy so I will take the day and catch up.  Sometimes I wonder how I ever fit school and homework in to the midst of this craziness!!
Tired me~
Debbie

Opening Soon!

Last night I got to take a sneak peak at our new mother baby unit at a special ribbon cutting ceremony.
The unit is not quite open but it will be soon~
It is beautiful!!

And I must admit ~ I am a bit jealous that our unit isn't as new and updated, yet I am so excited for the nurses that do work there.   The patients are going to love it too.
There will be 30 some private rooms
State of the art equipment
A NICU on the same floor (the sickest babies will still get transferred next door though).
Plus - the plan is to make all of our antepartum rooms private since the opening of this unit is going to increase our bed capacity.

I can't wait to start transferring patients to the new unit.

Nurses station

Part of the nursery (babies mostly room in with their parents but on an occasion a mom may want a nap and this is a safe place for someone to keep an eye on the baby). And it is super cute.  Even has decorative ceiling tiles.

The unit color scheme is warm and relaxing

Here's a sample of a room all set up and ready to welcome it's first family (though it looks like some of us were already sitting on the bed - oops!)

The rooms have a special sink for the baby's first bath.  Our babies do not get bathed until they are a few hours old.  This helps them to stay warmer.  The bathing area in each room will allow for the parents to be more involved with this special ritual.

Spa like showers.

The best part - dedicated, caring staff who want to make each birth special

 The nurses are not only smart, with good clinical skills...they are fun too!

I'm so glad that our women's services department is getting some upgrading.  I'm sure the patients will appreciate the extra attention as they choose to deliver with us.  Such exciting times!
Debbie

Decisions, Decisions

I have to decide what to do... I didn't search this out, rather it came to me.
I never went on line looking for another job, nor did I contact the staff to inquire about positions.

And now I'm having a tough time deciding what to do...

Staff from Cal Baptist University have asked me to come on as an adjunct professor to teach clinicals for obstetrics.
I am honored, and it is something that I would probably really like doing, yet I can't decided whether to take the job or not.
It is only one day a week - an extra 12 hour shift.

Yes, I'd love to share my knowledge and help grow new nurses.
I sort of think that I want to teach in the future...and this would be a good way to find out if I even like teaching.

It would be different from actually working on the unit for the students would be assigned to a nurse and I'd just be overseeing them and being sure they are learning what they need to learn.  So in a way it would be less stress (once I got familiar with the unit).

I keep thinking that I went back to school for a reason.  I furthered my own education for some reason ~ right?  Maybe this is God's way of saying that He wants to use me in another role.
I love higher education.
I love the stimulation of being on a campus and learning new things.
I didn't search out this job...it sort of found me.
I know this universities mission statement would fit in with my own life...

But do I really want to take on another job?
Do I want to have to drive out of my way to go to a different facility?
Could I succeed at this?
UGH!

So I need to put my thoughts in to positives and negatives and try to make a decision for the semester starts in a week.

Positives
They came to me - not the other way around.
I like students.
I like sharing my knowledge.
I like higher education.
It would help me see if I really want to teach in the future and give me a direction for my master's.
It would be extra money (which I could use right now with planning Erika's wedding and all).
I would learn new things as I'd be in a different facility where they may do things differently.
It would look great on a resume'.
It is only a 16 week commitment.  If I hated it I wouldn't have to recommit in the fall.
I like the campus.
I know some of the undergrad students at Cal Baptist.

Negatives
It would tie me down to another job.
It is a bit of a drive (30 minutes at the least).
It is at a different facility that I am not familiar with.
I might hate it.
It means a whole other day of working (when I sort of just wanted time to myself for a change.  Ok that sounds really selfish!).
I'd have to get up early for I'd need to be there before 0630.
I'd have to change my current work schedule around to get every Tuesday off.
I want to travel, plan Erika's wedding and kick back for a moment, you know - take a breather after working so hard the last couple of years going to school and doing all of that homework...not take on another commitment...

Decisions, decisions.
Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me what to do.....
Debbie

Hearts are Sad ~

I was working today when I took the phone call.
It was a tough call to receive...and I could hardly believe what the caller told me.
I still can't quite wrap my head around it.

Our unit is very tight knit.  Even though there are many employees, we are truly like one big family.  So when one hurts, we all hurt.

Today I received word that one of our beloved physicians passed away unexpectedly.
He was young and physically fit.
It should not have been him.
He had gone for a run this morning then came home and collapsed.  The paramedics attempted to revive him but they were unsuccessful...

So today our hearts are sad.
It just hurts so much.
The unit is definitely in mourning...the grief is so palpable that you can feel it.  We mass called and texted those we could and others got the word and started calling us.  Everyone is in shock and I answered so many calls that started with - "Is it true???"

Dr T was one of the best.  He was kind and caring.  He may have gotten frustrated but he never yelled at us and sort of just 'went with the flow'.
He has helped to bring so many babies in to this world.
He was a caring physician.
He was a good man.
He leaves behind a wife and two adult children.

I can't believe that I am never going to see him round the corner again.
Never going to hear him say "Hey Deb. How's your day going today?"
Never going to see his twinkling blue eyes or hear him talk about wanting to be outside enjoying the sun.

I am going to miss you Dr T!
You were not just one of the physicians...I can honestly say you were a friend.
May you rest in peace, knowing the we all loved you!
Debbie

Anticlimatic Finish

I am finished ~

 

I can't believe that I am done.

I have worked hard and now have my BSN.

A Bachelor of Science in Nursing.

It almost seems unreal.

 

This is where I have spent every Tuesday night for the past two years.

I have made new friends and increased my knowledge on my  chosen profession

 

The end of the program was very anticlimatic

I went to class - excited and proud to be done

We had power point presentations to present on our change project.

 

The faculty came in to congratulate us

Then class was over.

It was just over.

I tried to get my cohort to go out and celebrate.

But only two other students wanted to go.

There was no fanfare and life just goes on.

 

We don't get to have our nurses pinning nor walk in cap and gown until May.

So yes, I am finished.

I am excited in my own way - even though I haven't really celebrated.

It is just a wierd anticlimatic end.

But now I can sign my name:

 

Debra Bolton, RNC-OB/EFM, BSN,PHN,CLE