Palpitations

I needed to go to the tow yard to get the rest of our belongings out of our smashed up car.

Yet, the thought of going there gave my actual palpitations.  My chest hurt and I knew that I couldn't go myself.  I tried to talk myself in to it.  I knew my daughter was ok so what was the big deal?

Maybe I have a touch of anxiety.  I've always been a pretty calm, composed person...

I called my parents to see what they were doing.  Dad agreed to go with me.

We arrived at the tow yard.  Showed our I.D. and they told me that only one person was allowed to go in.  "You have to be kidding me...I can't do it by myself...he has to go with me because I just can't see the car again without thinking about the other day."  They actually allowed us to go in together.  Erika was with us too and she didn't seem to be near as upset as me.  In a way I think it helped her to process the pieces of her accident.

                               

Erika's view the day of her crash....

We gathered all of our things.  It ended up to be a bit easier than I had imagined that it would be.  It is just a pile of metal after all.

Now I am dealing with all of the insurance issues, collision reports, and trying to figure out how to survive with one less car.

More  positive notes:

Erika is doing really well.

Her corneal abrasion is already healing.

Her burn looks good with no signs of infection.

She is a little stiff and sore but in relatively little pain.  

She can't wait for her fiance to get home (it was tough on both of them as he has been working out of town).

She is one tough cookie.

And my instructor is allowing me an couple of extra days to finish my exam and do the in class work as homework.  Maybe I won't have to retake the class after all...though I do have a TON of homework to do in the next two weeks.
I plan to lay low, stay home and not add anything else in to my schedule.  I need a little time to refocus and get things back in order.
Debbie

It was a Lovely Morning

(warning, may be a bit graphic for some)

It was a lovely morning.  The sun was shining and it had finally cooled down a bit.

I started the morning with a meeting at the hospital.  We had a presentation to work on for our end of life committee.  We were able to put most of the presentation together.   Check that one off of my list...

Then Erika and I went to look at the place where she wants to get married .  The two lovebird have decided to get married at the Muckenthaler mansion.  It is a beautiful old mansion that has been turned in to an art / community center.  Erika loves the 'old fashioned' feel to the place since she is going for a vintage type theme for her wedding.  We walked around the grounds, met with the coordinator and paid our deposit.  It was so simple and now that we have a date solidified it will make the rest of our planning that much easier.  We are looking forward to next April :)

We drove home and talked about her upcoming wedding.  Erika was so happy and it warmed my heart to see her planning her big day.
Erika had plans to meet a couple of friends for lunch and I had an on-line exam to finish.  She wanted to go share wedding ideas with her friends and see their new apartment.  I was stocked to have the afternoon free and knew that I could get my exam done with plenty of time to spare.  Then maybe even take an afternoon nap before school.  It was turning in to a good day.

Erika left a little before noon.  I started on my exam.

At 1210 my phone rang - it was Erika..."Mom, I've been in a really bad accident and I think I have totaled the car."  She said it very calmly but I could hear the fear in her voice.
My heart sank to my gut and I had a fleeting of feeling of wanting to throw up.  Crazy, since I am normally pretty composed in an emergent situation...but this was my child.
I asked if she was hurt.  She didn't really think so.  The accident had just happened.  I asked if she thought any thing was broken and where she was.  She said no and told me that she was on the freeway and said something about the paper towels on her windshield.
I thought paper towels??? What does that have to do with anything?  Is there blood on the windshield and people are trying to clean it? Has she hit her head?

I tell her stay in her car,  (didn't want her getting out on the freeway only to be hit by someone) and reassured her that I was on my way.

I closed my computer, thinking "screw this exam, I have an injured daughter to get to."  I tried to call a couple of friends to get the instructors phone number since I didn't take the time to call her before I left the house.  I needed to let her know that I may not get the exam done.  But I didn't really care.  My daughter is much more important that some dumb ole test!  None of my friends answered.  I called my parents to ask them to pray.  Told them that Erika had been in an accident on the freeway and it sounded bad.  They were working at a church food bank so everyone there stopped and prayed.

I called Erika to tell her I was close.  She did not answer.
I entered the freeway the entrance before where she told me that she was.  Traffic was bumper to bumper.  "Oh come on...I need to get through!!"  I saw an ambulance behind me, moving in to the emergency lane.  I knew that they were going to transport Erika.  I decided to follow them in the emergency lane.  I turned on my flashers and got behind them.  Who cares if they ticket me??  You'd do the same thing if it was your child.  We were going slow and safe.  I called my parents again to tell them that I was behind the ambulance and almost on the scene.

When I got to the scene I saw 4 paramedics surrounding Erika's smashed up car.  "Oh God, please let her be ok.  Let her be ok!"
The highway patrol men would not let me go to the car.  Three lanes of traffic were blocked.  They reassured me that she was ok and that the paramedics were just being sure before they tried to get her out of the car.  I told them I was a nurse and that I needed to see her no matter what her injuries were. They again said that she was ok and that I needed to wait.  UGH!!!

Finally Erika got out of the car and they escorted her to my car (she had told them that I was a nurse so they decided that I could actually transport her to the hospital).  To see her walking was the best thing even though I knew there could be injuries that weren't evident yet.  They worked on her a little at my car, dressing her hand while I talked with the highway patrol and got information on where they were going to tow the car.

I called the ER to tell them that we were on our way.  Erika explained what had happened and she said she was sorry and would pay for the car.  I told her not to worry about it, that is why we have insurance.  I just wanted to be sure that she was ok.  She went on to tell me what happened.  Apparently another car or truck had lost a load of paper towels so loose towels and rolls of towels were flying around on the freeway and momentarily blocked her windshield. (so that is what she was talking about when she mentioned paper towels).   It was only seconds, but by the time they blew off of her windshield, traffic was stopping.  Erika slammed on the brakes but she said she knew she'd never stop before she slammed in to the other car.  She said she tried to relax her body as much as possible and prepared to hit.

And hit she did...but amazingly enough she has very few injuries!  Praise God!
We were at the hospital for hours.  She was diagnosed with a corneal laceration from a tiny piece of windshield glass in her eye.  The eye was flushed and they did a CT scan to be sure the orbit was intact and that there was no more glass fragments left in her eye.

Her hand has a burn from the airbag so that got cleaned and dressed ~

She has a back strain, neck strain and a small contusion to her right hip.  Oh and a fat lip. But she is alive and relatively intact.  I can hardly believe it.  I have never been so relieved in my whole life.  She was discharged home and was told to watch for any blood in her urine or abdominal pain.  She was given pain meds and antibiotics for her eye.  But she was going to be able to sleep in her own bed.

I know she is one lucky girl.  She could have had injuries that were much more severe.  Her airbag did what it was supposed to do.  It saved her life.  That and her seat belt.

I never want to get a phone call like that ever again.  I never want to feel that sense of dread and nausea.  I never want to wonder if my child is going to be all right.  I am so thankful she is home.  So thankful that she is going to recover.

It was a long and stressful day.  One that started out so lovely.  But it sure didn't end up that way.
Praising God for his protection and praying for healing.
Love you my baby girl!!
Debbie

Phil Wickham - At Your Name (Yahweh Yahweh)

I heard this song last weekend up at Hume Lake and we have sung it again this weekend...it is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs...

At Your name
The mountains shake and crumble
At Your name
The oceans roar and tumble
At Your name
Angels will bow
The earth will rejoice
Your people cry out

[Chorus:]
Lord of all the earth
We shout Your name, shout Your name
Filling up the skies
With endless praise, endless praise
Yahweh, Yahweh
We love to shout Your name, oh Lord

At Your name
The morning breaks in Glory
At Your name
Creation sings Your story
At Your name
Angels will bow
The earth will rejoice
Your people cry out

[Chorus]

There is no one like our God
We will praise you, praise you
There is no one like our God
We will sing, we will sing [x3]

[Chorus x2]

Debbie

Women's Retreat

I decided to go ahead and attend my church women's retreat.

It has been many,many years since I have gone to a women's retreat...I was busy raising children as a single mom and taking the time to join my friends was just too hard.  And most of the previous retreats were held in November and I chose to attend cross country meets instead of go on the church retreat.
This year the dates were changed and the retreat was held locally so I decided to go. 
Talitha Cumi....'maiden, arise' in Arabic, is the theme.  The scripture we are focusing on for the weekend is Mark 5:21-24.  The passage talk about a young girl that had died and Jesus healed her and raised her from the dead.  Our speaker actually had a daughter that was a near-drowning victim so she is tying that all in together.  Actually, she shared last night and it was very insightful.

The one thing that I walked away with was ~ "does my problem or plight define how big my God is?...or do I focus more on how big God is , then let that define my problem?"  Do I look at the issues first and wonder how God is going to fix them?  OR do I focus on God and trust that He is going to carry me through what ever it is that I might be going through.  Two very different ways of looking at the same problem. Two very different ways of approaching life.  Definitely food for thought....

I'm looking forward to hearing more today.  Even more so, I think I was ready for time away from the pressures of home.  There is something really fun about staying in a room with three other women.  They are all friends that I already knew so it is totally relaxing and fun.  The only bad part is that we stayed up laughing way too long last night and now we are all up early trying to do our morning routine so we can get to breakfast. 

Later today I'm going to lunch with a couple of other girls, then I am getting a massage.  Our retreat is being held at a spa type hotel so I am treating myself   :).
Fun times!
Debbie

Feel Like Crying

Ever feel like crying? Like things just aren't going as planned?  Like life is way overwhelming and you just want to go to bed and pull a pillow over your head....only your room is so jam packed with crap that it isn't even relaxing in there??

That's sort of where I am right now.  Daily life sometimes is a struggle for me.  With working full time at a job plus going to school  and trying to maintain a house it is enough to throw me over the edge on a frequent basis...but I cope and deal with it.

I know, I have no reason to complain.  My children are healthy and vibrant.  I have no real health issues .  I have a job.  I chose to go to school (well, sort of - I need to go to move up in the profession and secure a future for myself).  I have a roof over my head.

So why do I feel like crying? Why do I feel like I'm not coping so well right now?
Let me see..

- Yesterday was my birthday - I had to work.  No big deal - I like my work friends so I didn't really care.  Until I was there and every mother due in September was also there.  We ran with 20-21 patients all day.  It was insane...mom's laboring in the recovery room, mom's sitting at the desk for blood draws until a room was available, one patient in a bed but no monitors available...so I got to play as if I were in disaster mode....I listened to fetal heart tones with a doppler and used my hands to palpate for contractions.  The amazing things was that all of the deliveries were safely done and most of the patients didn't even know we were having space issues.  Call that service with a smile.
- Naturally I didn't do anything yesterday to celebrate my birthday.  Well, a girl friend brought me lunch and my hubby brought me flowers.  So, I can't say I didn't do anything.
- Came home from work to find that they had fixed my rotted out cupboard............but there is still a leak.
- Had to teach a class today.
- I need to fix my power point from today's class.
- Had to go to Biola to talk to an instructor about a student that I am going to precept this semester.
- I have an exam to take...and I haven't had time to work on it yet.  Actually I worked on some of it and it is really hard! Half of the answers I can't find.  Guess I haven't been paying very good attention in class this semester.
- I can't get in to my kitchen or barely even walk downstairs for half of the concrete got sealed today for our new flooring and it is so darn sticky that my shoes pull off!  (But my new wood stairs are looking lovely).  Wonder what the dogs are going to do tonight when they get home???
- There is dust everywhere (maybe I should have gotten a hotel!)
- I want to help Erika with her wedding plans.
- I need to try to work extra shifts to pay for that wedding~
- I need to get my mask fitting done at the hospital.
- I need to take some BFHI inservice exam since we are about ready to re-cert at work.
- I need to make this years Christmas party budget and expenditure list (since I have already starting writing the checks for the party - I'm the book-keeper for that committee...)
- I signed up to go to a woman's retreat this weekend but I am thinking of staying home.

ok - that is enough complaining...

It doesn't actually look so bad now that I wrote it all done.  Maybe that was all I needed was to get it down on paper (or on a computer). That helped me to put my life in to perspective.
Think I will go get some gas and then go join Erika for dinner at Gabbi's.  My favorite restaurant.  It is in Old Towne' Orange and quite yummy.  It makes me smile just thinking about eating there. HA!
I see a little Sangria in my near future.
Debbie

Favorite Places

  We snuck away to one of my favorite places in the whole wide world.

There is just something about this place that is good for the soul.

Something that refreshes and nourishes the human spirit.

I could sit outside and stare at these mountains for hours at a time.

If you've ever been here then you know exactly what I mean.

If you haven't ever been there then you really should find the time to go at least once.

I know that I have posted before about this place.

It never looses its appeal.

Hume Lake Christian Camp ~

Hume is located in the Sequoias - about 60 miles east of Fresno.

It is about a 6 hour drive away for us but oh so worth it.

It truly is a special place.

We went to Hume over the weekend.

We went for the fall marriage retreat.

We have found that the retreat helps to strengthen our marriage.

And it is fun too.

We love meeting new people and getting away from day to day life.

Our cell phones don't work up in the mountains and it is time for us to focus just on us.

The speaker this weekend was Josh McDowell.

He is a nationally known speaker and author. 

You may have heard of him, or read one of his books, but to hear his story was really quite interesting.  He spoke of his childhood, his disbelief in God and how all of that was challenged one day when a group of Christians asked him to prove the Bible wrong.

Seeking to disprove truth only led him to truth.

I ended up buying his new book, "Undaunted", just to learn more about who Josh is and what he has had to overcome.
You can learn more about Josh by clicking here.

I also was 'on-call' for the weekend but did not have a single patient so it was truly a weekend away where I could relax and enjoy myself.

I missed one meeting as I was listening to my radio chatter on a search and rescue that was going on.

I was sort of hoping they would need me to help with medical interventions, but they found all five guys healthy and in good shape.

I was happy they found them and actually sort of enjoyed listening to the rescue efforts.  

I was just slightly bummed that I wouldn't get to do some crazy thing like start an IV in the wilderness or dress a gnarly wound.

Guess only another nurse may understand that one!

Watch the video below to get a glimpse of what the weekend was like.

I didn't make the video cut this year though so you won't see me in any of the scenes. Maybe next time...

We even brought home Hume water since it was specifically requested!

I am so lucky to be able to retreat to a place like Hume ~

Debbie

Random Updates

~ Our electricity is back on after 24 hours
~ But our internet was knocked off
~ I was able to fix our internet issue
~ The sink contractor and flooring people are both scheduled to come on Tuesday
~ I have 12 weeks left of school!!!!
~ I finished my clinical hours for my public health nurse certificate
~ Figuring out a wedding venue for Erika (I think we about have the place chosen)
~ It is crazy hot here
~ I am escaping for the weekend
~ Did you see....I only have 12 weeks left of school :)

That's it in a nutshell
Debbie

Remembering 9/11

 This year marks the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on America.  In the quad area at school today there was this memorial.  Our class took the time to go and walk among the flags and remember that fateful day.  We talked about where we were when we heard that the twin towers had been hit and the feelings that we felt.  We talked about the people who lost lives that day and how America was forever changed.  We also commented on how there is a whole generation of Americans growing up now (those under 12) who will never know what life was like before this day and who may not be affected by the images as us older adults are.
It was overcast today.  Sort of gloomy and it sort of fit our mood as we wandered through the memorial.  Each flag had a picture and name attached to it.  Someone who had died either that day or in the ensuing war that came about because of that day.  It was quite moving....

After class, my daughter and I watched some of the memorial footage on T.V.  Again we shared our feelings.  We wondered if something like this could ever happen again....I think it could, especially as we are further removed from it.  We get complacent and feel 'safe' again.  That is why I think it is good for us to remember.  To look at photos.  To talk about what we felt that day.  To become alert again that we really aren't safe. We need to remember all of those innocent people who were killed 9/11/2001..

I was still working the night shift that year.  Ironically, we were preparing for a 'disaster meeting" that morning.  I had set up the room, but had left the TV on.  It was early morning (6am for us) and we had started our meeting when someone asked if the footage on T.V. was part of our meeting...we all sat in disbelief as we watched the events unfolding before us, realizing that this was real and not a part of our meeting.  We finished up our shift...were told to go home and sleep fast...and reminded to leave our phones on.  We did not know at the time if something would happen here in the Los Angeles area and we were instructed to stay on alert for a call back under 'disaster mode'.

At the time, I was still a single mom.  I can remember driving my kids to school that day wondering if we were going to be the next to get hit.  Wondering how I could keep them safe.  Wondering if I'd be back to pick them up after school (I wanted to keep some normalcy by sending them to school...)  We discussed the fact that someone else may need to pick them up if I was called back to work.  They were OK and I went home to grab a quick couple of hours of sleep though it was a restless sleep as I keep watching things unfold on the news.

Nothing happened on the west coast.  Yet, we were still affected.   These were fellow Americans and we were hurt and angry.    We wondered how we could help.  Could we get to the east coast? Could we donate blood?

We live in a flight path for John Wayne Airport and airplanes fly overhead all of the time.  You sort of don't even notice it.  I can remember sitting at soccer practice in the days following the event thinking how silent it felt.  There were no longer planes flying overhead.  It was so eerie and we wondered if life would ever be normal again?

I wondered too how I would have responded if I had been in an area that had been attacked.  As a nurse, I know how to provide life saving skills.  I like to think that I would have volunteered to help.  I may not have been able to go up in those towers but I would have been able to bandage and care for those that were hurt.  As a grief counselor, I may have been able to listen and comfort those who needed comfort.  The thing that really hits home with me is the fact that people did jump in to help.  Not just first responders but normal, everyday people.  We came together as humans.  Humans that were hurting yet humans that were willing to help.  The tragedy pulled us together in ways that nothing else ever could have.  

I pray to God that something like this doesn't happen again in my life time.  Though I know deep in my heart that I would help.  The nurse in me would assist those wounded.  The nurse in me would be one of the first ones there.  

We need to remember ~

Debbie